The Tao of Me

I flew home and arrived on Monday morning, dreading the next 10 weeks away from him but looking forward to my birthday spent with my kids that week. Three and a half days later, on Thursday I got the phone call.

The phone call I hope with all my heart I never get again.

Within a couple of hours, I had booked my flight, made my phone calls, and was on the way to the airport. The kids called their dad and arranged to be picked up and stay with him, and closed up the house for me.  Then I ran. A drive to the airport and a shuttle ride I don’t remember, a nearly 3 hour delay as the plane arrived late and had to be prepared for the long flight, 10 hours in the air, a 45 minute taxi ride to the hospital, and then those doors.

And fear.  I was so afraid.

When I saw him there, hooked up to all the monitors, wires and tubes, and looking like shit but alive…I finally got my breath back. When he opened his eyes and smiled at me, I wanted to fall down on the bed with him and nearly did. He slept most of that first day and night I was there and I didn’t take my eyes off him.

Because he’s a hard-headed Scot, he was too stubborn to stay in bed. By the next day he was walking the (very short) hallway, and the day after that they let us out on the grounds with strict orders to stay “very close”.

Which is what we did for the rest of the week. We walked every inch of the hospital grounds, including the forest pathways through the trees.

And back and forth to the little coffee shop where we made friends.

And on day 4 we snuck out. It sort of became a necessity when we both ran out of clean clothes, and we had to buy at least one change of pajamas. Also, in my panic, I forgot to throw extra underwear in my bag (Ahem) . The day after that I took my first solo trip into Rio to find a few more things we would need.

When he got the all clear after a week, we went home with strict instructions. Take your meds, no smoking, no stress, no work for a while and walk every day.

There are worse places to do your rehab.

Going back to the states that time was the hardest one yet. All I could think was, what if I lost him? Why am I leaving? How do we do this?

Long distance. Life is too short to keep that distance. Our time is coming.